Danger Room is dead, long live the Danger Room

Posted in Comics, Salute on September 19, 2010 by knightspast

Last night marked a last triumphant moment for the local comic shop, the Danger Room.  Mr. Pat, after serving valiently for (16?) years, turned in his key.  The shop was fill to bursting with revelers and comic junkies.  Food and beer was sucked up as if every attendee contained a whirlwind inside them.  No one brought out a guitar, no one shot video, no one demanded attention.   This was a serious and dirty business,  and we didn’t have time for selfishness or posterity.

The room was hot and steamy, the windows fogged up.  Outside it pissed like God had been drinking with us, an unyielding downpour of cold and filthy rain.  We kept going for more beer.

It was surreal, seeing and greeting and meeting.  But what was really strange was that no one said goodbye to each other as the left.  They just walked out and the next thing you knew, they were gone.

The new proprietors of Danger Room, Mr.’s Frank and Casey, will do a fine job.  But an era has come to an end, and it will never be the same, even if it is the same as it ever was.

Post for Zach!

Posted in Zach with tags , on August 5, 2010 by knightspast

I do my typing I make him feel awkward.  Faster pussycat, whoa, whoa.  Yeah yeah blah blah.

I did not make this but it is amazing.

Guaranteed Douchebags

Posted in Things I Hate with tags , , , on July 27, 2010 by knightspast

People are all kinds of different, and come in various shapes or sizes.  It’s hard to make any generalization of specific physical or material qualities that guarantees your entry into douchebagdom.  Here are a few I have yet to find exception with – please let me know if you have seen anyone defying these standards.

Pencil Beards

Most men can grow facial hair and should do so in any way they see fit – who am I to stop them?  But the thin pencil beard that borders your jaw-line is a clear indication that you are a douchebag.  Congrats.

Bluetooth when not driving

This is so Mr. Corporate Exec can drink his Starbucks, jerkoff, drive and talk at the same time.  If you use this device and confine it to your car, I commend you for proper use of technology – it is much safer than holding your cellphone.  But as soon as you step out of your vehicle and into real life, talking to someone in your ear while shopping for melons you become an asshole.  Now because dicks in suits are doing it, soccer moms want to join in.  Often, I can’t tell if someone is on the phone or just crazy talking to the voices.  It makes me want to kick you in the head.  LEAVE IT IN THE CAR.

New Hummers

Anything post- Arnold Schwarzenegger era, old Army Hummer is shitty and saves you a place in dickwad heaven.  Those old vehicles were cool – the military actually used them for practical purposes as all-terrain vehicles.  The big bar on the front actually was part of the welded frame, and could be used to directly crane the vehicle on and off of carriers.  The new ones have bars on them too – they’re just for looks.  Nothing says impractical like a new hummer does – if you want a big all terrain vehicle that can haul stuff, get a pick-up.  Get a jeep.  Hell, get a SUV over these.  For fuck sake, in this economy and with gas prices as high as they are you should be shot for driving one.  And then run over with your own shitty vehicle.

People who drive giant trucks who don’t use them for what they are for.

Are you going into rough terrain with this vehicle?  Are you hauling large things in the back?  No?  No??  Are you a small man with an inferiority complex?  Yes, I think more than likely.

Fake tanning.

Listen up, girls – cut that shit out.  And if you’re a guy…I have nothing to say to you.

Guido’s

Thank Cthulhu we don’t have any around here.  STAY ON THE EAST COAST.  That is all.

The fire is running out of me, but I’m sure there are more guarantees out there…maybe more later.

Lakefair

Posted in Things I Hate with tags , , on July 17, 2010 by knightspast

This is it folks, when Olympia shows it’s true colors as just a puppy dog starved for attention.  If it didn’t crave, need, or beg for the patronage of the small towns around here then Lakefair wouldn’t exist.

Let me back up.  For you readers who happen to not be familiar with Lakefair, it’s a week long carnival fair event that occurs once a week every year in downtown Olympia.  For those of us who live here, we hate it excepting the possibility of getting a decent burger and letting the kids go on a few rides.  For those of us who don’t live here but do come to Lakefair, on behalf of Olympia let me graciously ask you to go fuck yourself.

This is when the worst offenders come out and creep through my town.  White-trashy gapped toothed wangster motherfuckers.  They wear wife beaters and sport bad tattoos.  They drive big dumb trucks or beat up Tercel’s with a bad muffler and an Insane Clown Posse sticker on the back window.  They our drink beer and slam meth and decide that Olympia is their toilet by crawling through our streets.  They slow downtown businesses that aren’t restaurants, they pick fights and stab each other, and they bring out the cops in force.

Thanks especially for that one, guys.

I was at the bar this evening standing outside and noticed 4 police pass by in about 5 minutes.  Luckily the bar wasn’t affected too badly by Lakefair, but it’s tucked away from tourists so it’s the perfect hideout.  Still, four cops.

One Trooper, one OPD, one undercover and one bike cop.

Bike cops are adorable.

Goodbye, the great American Splendor

Posted in Salute with tags , on July 12, 2010 by knightspast

Harvey Pekar just died.  I am sad and you should be too.  More on this later when I’m not at work.

Goddammit, wordpress

Posted in Things I Hate with tags , on July 12, 2010 by knightspast

Here’s where I get shut down folks, shut down for calling out my very own blog service.  The very service which so graciously publishes my shit.

Well, it’s not like they came to me.

Anyway, I have to actually shoot myself in the foot for there to be any reprisal.

Plinky is stupid.  Apparently, this is a new program they’re offering, I just saw the ad blurb before coming to this blank slate.  Plinky is designed for those who respond to such queries as “do you have writer’s block”.  Why, no, but I’m curious to read your solution.

The answer is a program that prompts you.  The example given was ‘write a haiku about your last meal’.  This is braindead.  If you are having writers block for you goddamn blog that no one reads MAYBE YOU DON’T HAVE ANYTHING WORTH SAYING.  And trust me, I know a lot about writing a blog no one reads.  So I can imagine other asinine prompts, like maybe ‘go on a tangent about how manatee’s make you feel’ or ‘tell us about patchouli’ or even ‘form a sonnet as an ode to Garfunkel but not Simon’.  Plinky, you make me sad for humanity.  I just want to see some shlub, sitting at his computer thinking to himself “I don’t know what to blog about”.

I hope Plinky dies.

-Epic

It was too damn good – The meal was so tasty – Asian food you rock

I had a Dream…

Posted in Apocalypse on July 11, 2010 by knightspast

…and what did it mean?  I almost had a scary panic attack yesterday, or was it today?  Capitalism coughed once, twice, and died.  Riots erupted across the United States and practical apocalypse gripped the entirety of North America.  The dollar became useless.

It meant nothing anymore.  No one could buy or sell anything with green paper or metal coins.  We became reliant only on barter, trade, what we could make or grow ourselves.  The society that would be established would not be so bad – in fact, it could be good.  But that was looking to the future.

NOW is what I dreamt, the scary vision of the FIRES the RIOTS the EXPLOSIONS.  Sure, it was fun.  If it was just me, it would be a good time.  But I have a lady to think about, and parents.  Their well-being worried me.  Taking to the road was a good idea, except for (1) acquiring food and (2) acquiring gas.  Shit, we are not equipped for hydro-solar-electric cars.  Or at least I’m not, the rest of you may be.

Greece could happen here.  Oakland could spread (saw that one coming by the way; as soon as the Involuntary Manslaughter verdict was announced I knew shit was gonna hit the fan and with good reason).  An oil spill that is still fucking us up and will for a long goddamn time could cripple us.  More and more I feel we are on a sinking ship – on one side is a bunch of people scrambling, too little too late, to instill environmentally conscious life saving values.  On the other is a bunch of rabid, mouth frothing religious zealots prepared to lead the way to total armageddon.

I’m worried.  I’m scared.  I’m armed.